If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
