i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
