I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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