so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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