How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
