I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
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