guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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