eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
