So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
His hands were made for my vagina.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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