If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
