apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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