i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
