the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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