when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
