i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
