he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
