And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
