My Higher Power is John Stamos
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
