i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
