Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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