How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
