new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
