i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
love makes seman taste better
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
