I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
