I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
