you have to choose: penises or morals?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
