There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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