I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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