Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
