either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
