i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
