I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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