dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
