I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
