Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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