I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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