I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He did a backflip because drugs
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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