The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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