Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Even my vagina gasped.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Randomize
