You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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