So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
