How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
