ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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