seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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