im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
