I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
