Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
