Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize
