hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
