ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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