he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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