so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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