mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
