Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Girls should come with a carfax report
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
