saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
