Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
